Strange Searches Net Men's Panthyhose

Hiiiiii guyzzzzze. It's been FOREVER. Okay, not really forever. Technically just a week. It's just that it FEELS like foreveskies. I've been WALKING -- I WALKED 40 EFFING MILES FOR BREAST CANCER (Well, AGAINST it and to raise money for research and funding) ON SATURDAY AND SUNDAY! And I've been working. But I MISH you.

Okay, so this is random and not at all about fashion or beauty or style or stuff, but SERIOUSLY, can you EVEN HANDLE the absurdity of the random shit I've found while searching for OTHER random shit?


Men's pantyhose! IN GERMAN! How much do you wanna BET that that's Arnold Schwarzenegger's body with some random dude's face Photoshopped onto it?


Some kind of horrifying reimagining of the female reproductive system as some kind of gay disco, at the bottom of which lives one of those Fisher Price rainbow rings toys, which, apparently, vibrates. DO NOT WANT!

Okay, lastly, here's something that IS fashiony. A HILARIOUS article by Mary HK Choi in TheAwl about thigh-high boots, referred to here as "skank boots." Best line:
"These disgusting shoes that happily swashbuckle up your leg to munch on your—thanks to micro winter shorts and leggings—totally visible, strangled-to-the-point-of-bulbous PUDENDA are bad for business. Unless you're a safety girl who stows Gold Circle Coin condom of champions in them, I don't understand how healthy people with eyes and reflective surfaces who still menstruate regularly and swallow after chewing food don't know this is a fucking practical joke run by the fashion industry, famous people, and anorexics who do this shit instead of crying and running in place."

PS -- DEAR FCC AND READERS. THIS IS NOT A PAID ENDORSEMENT OF A DISCO VAGINA OR MEN'S PANTYHOSE. I DID NOT RECEIVE EITHER, NOR DO I WANT TO RECEIVE THESE PRODUCTS FOR FREE.