Nobody Does A Bikini Better Than Mara Hoffman

($170, Mara Hoffman, Shopbop.com)

I need a bikini like I need... I don't know. A pair of pink Uggs or something. I will probably never see the water this summer, which I'll be spending under the fluorescent lights of my office. Just like I spent the past 10 summers! But if I were in the market for a bikini, nobody does it better than Mara Hoffman. Right, Carly Simon? Baby you're the best.

Big-Bust Bathing Suit Lust!

I was gonna throw "Must" into that headline to keep the rhyming going, but sometimes you just need to know when to throw in the towel. And speaking of towel, if there were an entire village inhabited by cute bathing suits, this black-and-white polkadotted Esther Williams bathing suit would be the mayor of Cuters Bathing Suit Town:

($79, Esther Williams, ModCloth.com)

Available in up to size 16, and cut to fit you amply endowed lady friends out there (you knows who you ares). Yay! And it's cut low, so you don't have to suffer the indecent indignity of the revolting porn-star high-cut suit.

And speaking of Esther Williams, I did a post on her excellent retro suits way back in the earl-ie days of the Binge! Ah lookah heyah!

Carabella Swim Sale!

Carabella's having a big-aysed sale: 40% off their entire site through Sunday. Enter code C418. I just bought these three suits (with fingers crossed that they fit because I'm not sure about their return policy, but I am sure if I don't buy a suit soon, I'm gonna be going jumping in the water in a shorts and t-shirt when I go to the beach at the end of this month).

($79, Sunflair, Carabella)


($49, It Figures, Carabella)

Not sure about this one, but it's not bad and doesn't have legs cut up to the ears. Hate that.

($39, Shape FX, Carabella)

The Marissa Miller boobie bandeau I blogged about before. We'll see, maybe it'll work.

And happy fourth, everyone. It looks like it's about to rain here, so we're sittin' around the homefront in the AC, watching some show about Tom Petty. Ain't that America? And, of course, we're keeping it fashionable -- check out the awesome chef's toque con longosta that my boyfriend is randomly rocking:

Big-Busted Bathing Suit Bonanza!

In real life, I'm pretty much a straightshooter. Online however, since we haven't exactly all met or anything, I tend to air on the more discreet side -- I'm just not the type of blogger who likes to blog about personal stuff like past sexual partners or number of weekly poos I take or that sort of thing. But, I'll be blunt about this because it's no big secret, it's something many of you readers out there can sympathize with, and because it's pretty obvious -- while I'm short (5'2") and small (around size 8), I ain't exactly wee on top. Like I said -- no big secret. They're quite real, and they're quite a hassle, especially when shopping for bras and bathing suits, and coincidentally I shopped for both this weekend. The former yielded more successful results. The latter, however... oy.

I tried on this lovely one-piece (it's gonna be a one-piece summer, my friends) at Bird:

($99, Mocium, Bird)

Surprisingly the butt and tum looked great! The top, however, covered basically not a damn thing. It was like comically pornographic looking. Like Pam Anderson in Baywatch, minus the gravity-defying silicon. Not cute. Seriously, this suit is for AAAAAAAA cups. I seriously felt a bit like this:



... Minus the bulge. Use your imagination. It was ridiculous. So when I got home, I Googled, in a rather rudimentary fashion, "big-busted bathing suits." Again, slightly ridiculous, I know. To my surprise though, I found some really cute stuff for those of us out there who are a weeeee bit bigger than a C and can't exactly pop in and buy suits right off the rack at Target or Old Navy. And, because some of you can, I threw in some "regular lady" suits too, so everyone feels like they win.

($99, Fantasie of England, Biggerbras.com)

I can't really tell if this is granny-ish or not, but I think it could actually be kinda cute. By the way, I'd never heard of Biggerbras.com, but it looks like most of the bathing suits start at D cups. Yay!

($89, Sunflair, Carabella.com)

Classic sweet polka dots. I like the piping at the neckline.

($75, Popina)

Sweet, but if you're gonna do polka dots, I think it's best to keep them black-and-white.

($39, Shape fx, Carabella)

I'm a bigger fan of this turquoise shade than the robin's egg blue above. And while the jeweled strap is a weeee bit cheeze-say, you can't deny the awesome slimming powers of shirring. Plus, this suit's got a built-in shelf bra, which is a must, obviously. I might try this one out. And also, I must say, I'd never heard of Carabella, but I'm definitely glad I discovered in my "big booby bathing suit" search, because their selection, range of sizes, and prices are great.

($39, Shape fx, Carabella)

Love the soft grey and the super femme style here. And, YO! $39!

($63, Rochford, Biggerbras.com)

It's a little '80s but still really cute. The tie = quite waist-enhancing, which is a good thing, especially if you've got lotsa business up top.

($39, Shoshanna, Bluefly)

($29, Shoshanna, Bluefly)

Shoshanna makes some of my favorite bathing suits -- especially bikinis -- for the well-endowed lady, erm, even though this one's only available (or only in stock) in up to a C cup. But check out the cute treasure chest theme on the soft pink background! Cute cute cute!

(Top: $11.95, bottom: $8.95, Carabella.com)

See, regular-chested lady? I care about you too!

Swimwear

Cateva trucuri pentru a alege costumul de baie potrivit, in functie de micile/marile imperfectiuni ale corpului.
Picioare scurte: pentru a crea iluzia optica de alungire a picioarelor trebuie avuta in vedere taietura slipului, care trebuie sa fie cat mai inalta, ridicata cat mai sus pe solduri. La piscina poti purta tocuri, platforme.
Solduri late: sunt recomandate costumele formate din slip tip sort sau costumul intreg cu taietura inalta pe solduri, costumul cu pareo. Celulita si fundul mare se pot ascunde cat de cat cu sorturi in genul celor purtate de surferi.
Sani mici: costume cu volanase, incretituri in zona sanilor, sutiene in forma de triunghi sau prinse dupa gat. Este de preferat un imprimeu colorat, vesel, care sa creeze iluzia optica de sani mai mari. De evitat: costume intregi pentru ca aplatizeaza.
Sani mari: un sutien cu cupe si bretele mai late pentru sustinere, costume intregi, slip cu croiala clasica.
Burtica: poate fi camuflata cu ajutorul costumelor intregi, cu imprimeuri diverse sau dungi verticale, care dau impresia de alungire a corpului. O alta varianta sunt costumele retro cu slip cu talie inalta.
Summer 2008 hottest trend: costumele de baie intregi
Gucci

Jeremy Scott

Pucci

Dsquared2

Chanel

Celebrity inspiration:
Keyshia Cole

Tori Spelling

Tara Reid

Paris Hilton

Nicole Richie

Carmen Electra



Marylin Monroe

Kim Kardashian

Escape to Cuters Beach

I'm headed out on a starter vacay tomorrow -- I really should be packing and not playing around. And while I'm not going to the beach (nay, definitely not -- I'm off to sandy Kalamazoo... jealous?), here's my fantasy packing list of stuff I'd like to be bringing with me were I off to a weeklong trip to the beach and not getting up at 5 a.m. for a three-day trip to the Midwest:

($168, Letarte, Canyonbeachwear.com)

Such a suit. Letarte makes great suits. This safari bikini is supercute and not too overkill with the jungle theme.

($156, Letarte, Couturecandy.com)

Another cute Letarte. Reminds me of Shoshanna's bikinis.

($187, Serfontaine, WinkNYC.com)

These are sort of ridiculous, but they're so soft and comfy-looking and would be so cute with a beachy tank.

($30.50, Alloy)

So old-school they're almost great. Very Mary-Kate Olsen, according to Chicago JP. True!

($35, Alternative Apparel)

Buttery soft heather cropped pants, perfect for pulling on and lounging around after you've taken your post-beach shower. Also, I cannot say enough good things about Alternative Apparel -- their fit and feel are fantastic, and they're not headed by an evil, mustachioed porn-faced CEO! Yay!

($112, Peter Jensen, Gargyle)

More Southampton than South Padre.

($595, Loeffler Randall, ActiveEndeavors.com)

I'm not the type to wear heels with shorts and a bikini top, but if I wear, these would be the perfect pair for that sort of ridiculous posturing that really only happens in movies and magazines, I hope.

($75, Shopintuition.com)

Super cute beachy-prep bowling bag.

($68, Brooklyn Industries)

Not beachy per se, but super fun. Brooklyn Industries has gotten cuter! The first one reminds me of Paul's Boutique.

($70, Boost, Urban Outfitters)

Suuuuuuuper fun, suuuuuper summery cute headphones... to go in your beach bag.

($1.29, Biocare Labs)

The site is pure crap, but trust me -- this lip balm is the best. Doesn't do that gross thing where it makes you thirsty in the back of your throat. Okay -- time to pack my ACTUAL, real-life items. Nitey!

Bathing Suit Lust: Zimmermann's Avalon Butterfly Suit

($242, Avalon, WinkNYC.com)

To be sure, $242 is a lot for this bathing suit, by Aussie label Zimmermann, but it does come with a halter strap, and that's worth at least eight bucks! Very Golden Girls glam. Also, I don't really have $242 sitting around, but I do have some eggs ripe for the harvesting! Do you think Wink barters?

Another sweet butterfly motif Zimmermann suit:

($196, Zimmermann, Shopbop)